I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
