ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
