btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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