Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
