I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
