Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
