Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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