God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
