I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
