You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
