saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
