just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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