Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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