the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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