that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
