i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
