She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
