you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
