I wish I only lived at night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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