the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
