Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
