I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
