if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize