you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
