And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
