weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
