I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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