I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jerry, you need to find god
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
