All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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