man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
vagina is talking i cant
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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