I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
