Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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