he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
