Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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