I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
