Soap is not a condiment
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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