so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
