my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
