I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
