just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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