I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
