My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
