I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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