Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
