I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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