Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
