I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
