everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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