New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
