remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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