The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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