YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
