I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
