And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
