I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Houston, we have a squirter
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
