She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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