Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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