I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
