I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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