Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize