I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
