On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
