Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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