I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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