That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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