We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
