We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
