HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
